read my warning before you read. Especially if you're a man

warning: this post will use words that you may not be comfortable with. Words such as bladder, uterus.....I wont expand. YET. But know, you've been warned

It turns out having 5 kids, 3 of them LONG HARD labors, can cause your insides to fall out!

Its true. That's where I am.

I saw my dr/surgeon yesterday b.c I have been having ridiculous lack of ability to control my urine. I mean, like, I pee my pants. Often. Its like my water breaks over and over...you know...zero control.

It turns out I have whats called a prolapsed bladder, uterus and rectum. I have 3 hernias that need to be repaired. In order to do this, she will do a hysterectomy (leave my ovaries) so she can use the muscles? from it to put my bladder and rectum back in place.

I am doing 100% ok about having a hysterectomy. I have heard its an easy surgery to recover from. I had already processed whether I was done having kids when I had my tubes tied after having Tad. I figure, I don't use my uterus anymore...I don't even really know what it looks like..I can do without it!

The thing I WASN'T expecting was the limitations the bladder/rectum repair would cause.
For the rest of my life.

I will be restricted to lifting a max of 20 lb for life.
crazy!
And NO running.
Ever again!




When the dr told me this, I cried
and cried
and cried some more

Then I called Bill to tell him...and I cried again

And then I called my mom (this time out of the clinic) and I sobbed.

I am REALLY sad about this (hence all the crying)
But even a day after finding this out, I am feeling much better about it.

There is still SO much I CAN do.

I have been advised by many people to get a second opinion...and I probablly will. But, the research I have done, anyone else who has had ALL of these things done have had the same restrictions.

I am definately grieving a loss. I am ok with being sad about this. I am ok that its "just running" and yet its kind of breaking my heart.
But, I also know that sooner than later, I will be ok about not running.

I have 2 half marathons before my surgery (which is 4/2) so I will at least leave my joys of running behind by going out with a bang!

(*I am not sure why some of my writing is highlighted yellow. I couldn't get it off!)