When it feels like you are at the beginning of the end: Part 3

If you have not read the first two posts, please start here!

I still can not even tell you what happened specifically except that you can only "pretend" to have money that you don't have for so long

And just like that we were over a month behind on everything...mortgage included
We were desperate and confused and overwhelmed and SICK AND TIRED of this crazy roller coaster of money

I ended up at my moms and she gave me the book "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey.....she had NO idea what we were dealing with b.c I had no idea how to tell anyone b.c I was so embarrassed...but God is good and he lead her to give us the book

Skeptically I read the first few chapters and within an hour knew that we had to change our life
NOW
I drove home and Bill and I sat in the front yard reading the book, crying and praying and for the first time in YEARS felt a bit of hope

We had no idea how, but we WERE going to get out of debt

It started immediately
We literally cut ALL spending out of our life for several months
I emailed all of our friends and family explaining what we were doing b.c we needed them to know that for a certain amount of time, we would be declining coffee dates or lunch dates or movie dates, etc and didn't want them to be confused
We cut our grocery budget in half
We shut off everything we could...caller ID, voice mail, Netflix, etc (we didn't have cable or anything like that and needed the Internet and cell phones for our businesses, but those were the ONLY "extras" we kept)
We stopped driving places...seriously
I would write out a grocery list and notate next to each item the approx. costs so that I knew EXACTLY how much I was spending at the store and I would not spend a DOLLAR over it
I carried $10 around in my wallet for 1.5 weeks b.c I knew I would need more milk before we got paid again! (that would have never lasted 10 hours before)

Within a year we had somehow paid off over $10,000 in debt.
We were feeling good....we were on our way out!

We started to see that we didn't want to just be financially free for our own sakes...but we started to see how we couldn't serve this wonderful God of ours the way we knew he had created us to BECAUSE of all of this debt

Then the winter came and things got even worse than they had before
We were starting to wonder if we were "destined" for financially failure always

Bills hours were down at work
I was not booking anything
And before we knew it, we were 2-3 months behind on everything
Including our house

We had been doing EVERYTHING right and yet we were STILL failing....
We were at our wits end...well I was...Bill was amazingly peaceful and full of hope
I was a mess
I started to wonder if God had given up on us...had we just been SO STUPID with our money that He had just washed his hands of us?

Of course, I KNEW this wasn't true...and Bill would remind me of the time and time and time again God had walked us through hardships in the past

I started to wonder if we literally WOULD lose everything
Was the only way bankruptcy?
How in the world would we tell our family we lost our house and needed to move in with them?
How in the world do you tell people you are failing?
I cried daily. Hourly at times

I was losing hope and my spirit was drained
We were LITERALLY living penny to penny, almost hour by hour

One morning, this past March, I retreated alone to Caribou (which I could only do b.c I had a gift card in hand). I was beyond sad and needed to just get away
I sat there, in the midst of the Saturday morning rush, unaware who may have seen me or heard me....I sat pouring over my Bible, BEGGING God to reveal something to me
I asked Him if his plan for us was to ultimately lose everything...if it was, I NEEDED to know HOW in the world we were to handle that
I told Him that I adored Him and trusted Him and would go ANYWHERE He took us, but I also begged Him that it NOT be to the extreme
He had taught us SO much through the past 6 years...
We trusted Him with everything in us
Even though it was SO scary and at times (such as now) we felt like we could only see 1 inch in front of our faces
We knew that we would rather live in hardship ALONG side Him rather than in wealth APART from Him
We were in love
We were in it for the long haul...no matter what that meant

And, just as my spirits were lifting b.c my faithful God saw I could handle no more...he poured his peace straight into my soul and I came across, what I KNOW was a promise from Him to us

Its God talking to Jeremiah about the city of Judah, which had been under major attack....but as I read it, I could hear our names in place of the city, so I am going to write it as such (you replaces the city)

"then you will bring me (god) renown, joy, praise and honor be fore all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for you; and they will be in awe and will tremble a the abundant prosperity and peace I provided for you."

I sat there bawling b.c God may as well have been sitting across the table, holding onto his own cup of coffee telling me "Melissa, I HAVE NOT LET YOU GO and I WILL be with you until the VERY END....whatever that may be"

I had no idea what this meant as far as how far into destruction we would go...but one thing was clear, GOD would be praised and honored for the things He was doing in our lives

My focused had shifted
I no longer cared so much if we hit rock bottom b.c I knew eventually, somehow...in His all perfect way...we would be restored
But not b.c of US, but b.c of HIM and HE would be glorified through it


I left that coffee shop a brand new woman
I met my husband at home and told him of my experience and we cried and prayed and thanked God for how wonderful He was

And then, we just kept plugging away
Phone call after phone call we would still get from creditors....
Time after time we would tell them we were doing EVERYTHING we could (I had cut our grocery budget yet again), we weren't just NOT paying our payments, there was literally no money there to pay it..and the minute it would come in, we would pay

We even asked our church for help (gulp)
Probably the most humbling thing we have ever done...but it was huge and we can hardly wait to give it back someday!

Slowly, but surely...miraculously, we started to catch up on everything

but before I end this with where we are at this minute, I must say something:

We HAVE NO doubt that the financial strains we have experienced were NOT by accident
We have NO doubt that God was next to us, carrying us, every step of the way
But this hasn't REALLY been about money
It has been about Him showing Us WHO HE IS

And that is trustworthy
and strong
and truthful
and perfect
and supplier of ALL WE NEED

When we are out of debt, we will no longer use our money to JUST live a fun, easy life...we can hardly WAIT to see how we get to help others...we know now that this journey that felt like the beginning of the end was actually JUST THE BEGINNING

2 years into our journey of getting out of debt, "somehow", we have paid off $33,000 of debt. We still have a long way to go, as remember...we started with a TRUCK load (literally! haha), but this summer has been monumental for us. We have freed up over $800/MONTH in payments, we are even saving now to redo our kitchen (hopefully in the spring!)

But most importantly....we are standing IN AWE of who our creator is and what He has done in us....through some of the most gut wrenching of times....He has shown himself as perfect