If you have not done so already, Please start here
Now, even though we had TONS of unforeseen issues with the trucking expenses, I will in no way say that all of our financial issues came from this
Not at all...
Bill and I were very young when we got married (20 and 22)
We LIKED things....
he liked snowmobiles and vehicles and four wheelers
I liked clothes and decorating and going out to eat
Together, we would look at our money and say "We have another $100 a month free...what can we purchase with that money?" So, we just kept spending money
And we didn't even have much to show for it...but it was if our hands and pockets and wallets were filters into societies cash registers!
For me, I spent to feel good...Bill just spent b.c he didn't think of NOT spending
For me, I had always been self conscious, not confidence and thought I was just plain not enough
And man did buying a new shirt (or 10) make me feel good
but we know where that brings you...to a stuffed closet full of things that I forgot about or just plain didn't ACTUALLY like....it NEVER brought any sort of contentment or security
But I was too unhappy within myself to know...so I kept trying
The year I was pregnant with Ella is the year we sold our first truck....and things were SO SO bad
They seemed as if they just couldn't get worse (little did we know....)
I was afraid all of the time
Bill was afraid all of the time
I remember bawling in the shower one morning thinking to myself "How in the world can we have this baby?" and praying "Lord, maybe it would be better for me to lose her now than bring her into this house in which we may not be able to afford her!"
I cry just typing that...THAT is how desperate I felt
We did manage, somehow, to stay on top of our bills, but we had ZERO money and we had no way of knowing if we would have enough to pay each months bills...it was a month at a time that we were living
For the first time we realized that we may need to change somethings, but we really didn't even know where to begin
The next few years were hard on and off...we would go in spurts. A few months would be good, a few months would be hard
Things were starting to change within Bill and I....b.c things were hard a lot, we started seeing how we didn't actually NEED a lot of what we felt we NEEDED
We started seeing God different
He had ALWAYS taken care of us...in big and small ways
I remember the first time we had NO money, I was working full time and a man came to work selling yummy fish and shrimp and lobster....everyone swarmed him, writing up their orders and I just sat at my desk (a VERY hard thing for me to do at this point in time)
That night, when I left work, a co-worker had left me a box of LOBSTER on my car...just b.c
We were starting to not WANT to have so much "stuff".
We started seeing how much we in fact DID have, where all I had seen before is what we DIDN'T have
I use to get physically sick when I would go to someones house that was stunning
or someone I was close to was able to go on vacation
or buy a great new outfit
This feeling was leaving me....I was starting to be genuinely excited for these friends and family!
Then, 2.5 years ago, everything fell out the bottom.....
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